Descriptive - By day, Jay Robillard works as an electrician in Austin. As he flips switches and replaces fuses, music runs through his head - from exotic lounge music, to 80’s punk alternative, to pop orchetra.
Descriptive - Jay Robillard does not know exactly how many records he has in his collection -- but he thinks its around 20,000.
Narrative - KOOP radio was born out of a bet between friends.
Direct Quote - “This is what I want to do for a living,” Jay Robillard said to himself when his parents took them to their radio station as a child and let him watch the DJs.
-Fly on the Wall
Descriptive - Jay Robillard does not know exactly how many records he has in his collection -- but he thinks its around 20,000.
Narrative - KOOP radio was born out of a bet between friends.
Direct Quote - “This is what I want to do for a living,” Jay Robillard said to himself when his parents took them to their radio station as a child and let him watch the DJs.
-Fly on the Wall
I really like the third and fourth lead the best. I think you should make it a bit longer though, unless you keep explaining what you wrote soon after wards. Good job though.
-Juumbie
On one--so is he an electrician or a DJ? One and three are my votes, though I agree that they all might need to be longer to really get an idea of what's going on. What bet? Sounds like a good story, but having not heard the story, I can't really say.
Question--where are you going with the second one? It could be the most interesting--I mean, that's a /lot/ of records--but without an idea of what's coming next, it's hard to tell.
So... yeah. One/three/lengthen. #nutshell
--IBI
I like the two descriptive leads best, specifically the first one. The third also has potential, if you lengthen it a bit.
~ OMO
I'm really interested in the third one, but I feel like you need to elaborate more.
- EJE
The second and third are the most attention-grabbing and surprising. They really make me want to read more of your story!!
-Clyde
I don't get the 1st until i read the rest. The second one too but adds interest with the 20,000. The 3rd doesn't really tell me anything. Maybe combine some.
-Yahir
You need to elaborate a lot more... Like, 1 sentence don't really tell me anything bout the story.
I prefer number 3, it seems to be building up into something cool
btw, number 1 is kinda disjointed as you say by the day but then leave the reader hanging...
daniel
The third one is really interesting, and to the point. It really draws the reader in, I recommend that one.
-Ishaan
I like your descriptive one (the second one)! The narrative is also intriguing, but might not give enough information.
-Nat Attack
All of these leads needed to be lengthened some. The first and third ones work the best out of the small sample shown.
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Quaver from Aux Cable